Value is one of the most important words to truly understand. Also, one of the most confusing. If you don’t value yourself as a woman but especially as an escort, you’re in for a rude awakening.
What is Value?
It is one of those things that is different for everyone but is one of the world’s strongest motivators. Every single day people sacrifice money, time, or resources for something they need or desire. Here are some simple examples:
I myself am not a smoker, however someone reading this post is, therefore they value cigarettes. They will use their money and time to make sure they get it. Thousands a year they sacrifice for something they value.
Someone who values stability may work a higher paying job while sacrificing some freedoms. While others who value freedom over stability, are more likely to become an entrepreneur where failure is more likely.
A house built on sand is subject to collapse. Make your house is built from the ground up with a strong foundation, value is that foundation. Self-esteem and confidence are essential in this business and you can’t get there without valuing yourself first.
Learn From My Mistakes
Truth is nobody starts out as a good provider. You must learn from experiences or hopefully you have a mentor that can help you along the way. How can you perform a behavior you were never informed about?
When I first started, I was doing things I shouldn’t have. I was not screening properly, I wasn’t aware of all my boundaries, I made mistakes and lots of them. I’ve been there, offering services to just any client for the “right amount of money” because it seemed like everyone else was doing it and you would lose money if you weren’t. This was wrong on so many levels, and I learned very quickly of all the things I did not want to become. So, I made up my mind and figured out what I really wanted from this industry. I made sure I knew as much as I could about myself and what was best for me in the long run. Not only for me but for my clients and my career as well. From that moment forward I sleep better at night.
By no means am I perfect or that I feel I know everything there is to know. I only have my experiences which help me build my knowledge and if I can help you along the way to avoid some of my mistakes or start off in a better direction than I did, then I am satisfied what that! With that being said, please do not take this too personal, as I’m going to get straight to it!
LADIES: We must always look at our surroundings, take notes and not conform to that negative behavior. Get to know yourself and remember your safety, sanity and health comes first before anything!
If You Don’t Value Yourself, No One Will
The real reason you let people devalue you is because you don’t value yourself. In this section I will go through some things to make sure you are valuing yourself and help you understand some of the things you might be doing that devalue you as a woman.
If you wake up hating this profession, then it might not be for you or you might just need to change what is bothering you. Are you seeing a client you don’t like? Are you going past your boundaries? Charging too low of prices? Working hours, you don’t want to?
Author Nathaniel Branden says self-esteem occurs naturally when we live according to reason and our own principles.
You are in control, you are the CEO of yourself. You make the final decisions. I know it’s easier said than done but your mental health is more important than any dollar amount! Which brings me to my next topic.
Ladies when you are coming up with your hourly rate, u need to sit down and have a mental discussion with yourself first. What are your values, principles, and goals? Most importantly what do you have to offer to others? What makes you, YOU? What makes you unique and special?
Ask your close friends and family (of course not being flat out why you’re asking) what makes you special, what are some of your best qualities and what they appreciate most about who you are.
Your looks aren’t what’s most important here. As there are so many different women in the world, we are all unique in our own ways. From the very petite to the BBW, different ethnicity’s, cultures and backgrounds. You are your own brand! But always remember just be yourself, because everyone else is taken!
It’s not a shock that most people think expensive equals good. So, you’re fooling yourself if you think having low prices will have you beating out the competition. What clients would you rather have, the ones who come for a quick visit or the men who want to take you out and show you off?
If the quick visit guys aren’t what your trying to attract, then stop advertising to the “are you available right now” type of guy. The image you put out will reflect the type of clients you will attract.
The reason you get some of the men you get is because of your pricing. If you raised them, you would be killing 2 birds with one stone. Eliminating guys, you don’t want while gaining some you do want.
Always remember we are literally walking advertising, you must protect your brand at all cost. In a matter of minutes, you can make your business more successful or ruin your whole career. Always be mindful of this and how you conduct yourself.
I’ve had to remind myself multiple times, we are a 24-hour 7 day a week occupation. If you advertise as a “high end or elite companion” than you need to conduct yourself as such. Don’t contradict yourself!! Be prepared for this and always behave like a classy lady.
GFE….”The Girlfriend Experience”
This is a huge misconception in the industry!! There is not a concrete definition for GFE so everyone has their own opinion.
In my opinion the girlfriend experience is more about the mental and romantic side of things the seduction, sensual, caring, laughing, holding hands on the way to dinner or at the table gazing in each other’s eyes sharing a glass of champagne.
NOT HAVING A BUNCH OF BARE BACK SEX!!!
GFE does NOT mean we are being unsafe and having unprotected sex.
Some clients have the delusion that we are dating in our private life 24/7 giving away FREE sex, when to be honest I can’t even remember the last FREE date I’ve had. And even if I was, doesn’t mean it would be unprotected.
If you’re going around having sex with multiple partners and not using condoms, you’re a fool who only cares about themselves and putting others at risk. This is true no matter who you are, you will have a higher likelihood to contract a STD.
A “safe provider” values herself too much to do anything without a condom. It’s too much risk no matter what the pay is.
A “safe provider” practices safe sex, has boundaries and she’s definitely ok with saying no because she’s putting her safety first.
Just because you have seen sex scenes in the movies and in porn doesn’t mean that’s how it will be once your behind closed doors with a provider.
I’m not sure about you but my health is super important to me and I get checked regularly. As I recommend anyone is the business to do including you GENTELMAN!
Just Say No To…
I know we all have our own vices such as gambling, food (one of my weaknesses), alcohol, smoking and of course drugs and I’m talking prescriptions drugs too (and yes, I do smoke weed from time to time).
All of these are bad habits. However, drugs and alcohol are the two that can devalue you the quickest and allow you to be taken advantage of.
I highly recommend you never start or stop ASAP. I don’t have to go over the negative aspects of drugs and alcohol.
Even though I enjoy this lifestyle I am fully aware of how dangerous it can be. At the end of the day you are meeting strangers. So, I want you to be on your P’s and Q’s and not be on anything that affects your judgement.
You should never be on drugs while on a date and if you’re going to drink with a client make sure you see the bottle be opened (seal not broken) and never leave your drink unattended.
If you believe you have a drug problem or need drugs/alcohol “To do the job” I recommend you leave this business. It can be extremely stressful at times and the last thing I would want is for work to destroy you.
Birds of a Feather Flock Together
We’ve all heard the sayings “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” or “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”
Simply put stop devaluing yourself by hanging around people who are not on your “level.”
They do things contrary to what you believe is right, it’s always negativity with them, you’re always giving but never receiving or they just don’t have the capabilities to help you improve your life. If you were to get on the phone with them for an hour right now all you would hear about is gossip.
The opposite of this of course is to spend more time around people who are good at lifting you up when you’re down. Start hanging around people who can positively influence you to become a better person all the way around. Don’t forget you will have to reciprocate value, but I will talk about that later.
Take inventory of the people around you. You’ve got to understand its ok to outgrow people and certain situations, especially when it’s a dangerous and hostile environment. Don’t keep people in your life because you fear being alone.
I admit I have removed almost, if not all my personal so called “friends” out of my life and I can say my life has been way less stressful and I spend a lot more time focusing on myself, my family and my business. And remember the real friends will always support you. The ones I got rid of were only looking out for their best interest and what I could do to benefit them and gave nothing in return.
If you are new to the business beware that you may lose friends and family if/when your truth is revealed. True colors will be shown.
I know sometimes this business can be lonely. It won’t be like that forever. There is nothing like sitting with your own thoughts. Taking time to reflect on yourself and to heal from life lessons and mistakes you made long the way. You might realize the solution to your problems are removing certain people from your life.
How To Increase Your Value to Others
Value is internal. Value is something you become so it can manifest outward. When you become someone of true value people will recognize it a million miles away!
I want us to value ourselves so much that when people see you in public, they think why the fuck is she so happy. “Who does she think she is”
Some might call it arrogance, but I would much rather you be on that side of the “self- esteem spectrum” than to feel not good enough.
Plus, it’s not arrogance if you can back it up. Then it becomes confidence and living your truth. You should have supreme confidence in your ability to bring value to someone’s life and not just take from it.
When a man leaves your presence, he should feel like you gave him a discount even if he gave you a million dollars. So, no the money cannot compare to the improvement you’ve made on this man’s life.
But as I stated people value different things. So, it is possible to be the perfect woman for one man and not "his type" for another.
Since everyone’s values aren’t the same don’t focus on people who don’t value you and focus on the ones that do.
I will give you tips now on how to improve yourself, so you value yourself more and in turn bring value to everyone you meet.
I’m all for women empowerment but I would be a liar if I said looks don’t matter. I believe looks won’t keep a man but they sure as hell will draw him in. You can stay exactly how you are if you want but I would think in this business you will want to attract a larger audience of suitors, so you are able to pick and choose. Whatever you think might be holding you back you should attack. It is hard confronting your inner self and finding your weaknesses, but it is the price you have to pay.
Robert Cialdini who wrote the bestselling book Influence (I might write a separate post about how powerful this book is) talks about, what causes liking?
A halo effect occurs when a certain positive characteristic of a person dominates how others view that person. Physical attractiveness is often such a characteristic. Further, we don’t even recognize that we are biasing our decision by someone’s looks. Studies have shown that handsome men have received lighter prison sentences. Attractive people have an easier time persuading others. The only time it works against them is when others see them as a direct competitor. That usually happens in a romantic context.
Don’t devalue yourself because you don’t look like a playboy model. Even the prettiest woman in the world is not someone’s preference.
I don’t think you should change yourself out of insecurity or to gain approval. With that being said my belief is you should take pride in your appearance. That is by being dressed to kill, making sure your makeup and hair is done well. Smelling good (showered and perfumed), fresh breath, keeping a manicure and pedicure, and a smile on your face. I know this is basic information for most, but it had to be said.
Before I was a provider, I was not valuing myself correctly. Starting to work out was extremely empowering for me. It taught me so much about working hard for what you want, I lost about 30 pounds. A lot of girls want to make big changes quickly. I totally get that too, so if you get surgery that’s fine, I’ve definitely thought about it! Your appearance is the first thing people notice about you. A poor appearance shows you are not caring for yourself. So, what is your appearance saying about you?
Don’t become too dependent on one person. When someone feels you need them, they internally devalue you. Start to disrespect you and see what they can get away with. They start to think “What would she do without me”
There will be clients who try to hold money over your head and get you to do certain things you said you wouldn’t. Eliminate that person from your life.
Most importantly, never put yourself in the position where you are desperate enough to take that deal. As we have seen in this business things can change with a snap of a finger. To avoid ever being in that position do these 2 things.
1. SAVE YOUR MONEY- This business at times can be up and down so I recommend you save 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. The amount of money you bring in each month should not match the amount of money you spend every month. If your income is not steady every month then stop spending like it is.
2. Gain A SKILL- Take the extra time you have and learn a new skill, so you have something to fall back on. If times were to get rough you would be able to leave and still make decent money.
Mentally and Emotionally
Financial responsibility is a big one but its not the only one.
Some guys do love saving the damsel in distress but that will get old after a while. Think about it. This man is probably trying to get away from his stress or problems for a while and when he sees you, you drop a whole new set of problems in his lap. Anybody can do that for him.
Understand that people already have things in their life that take from them. Don’t bring your negative mood, attitude and emotions into a date.
When you are independent you will compel whoever comes into your life. You will be a breath of fresh air. You will be a source of pleasure not dread. An asset not a liability!
Learn, Grow, Give
I put this last even though it is probably the most important part. Its last because you can’t give what you don’t have.
Now you have become self-sufficient. You have essentially fixed your own problems. Or at least started working on them and know how to fix them. Now it is easier for you to become a true giver. Because now you are not dealing with a plethora of your own problems and stresses.
With your house being in order its time to build up your skill set. Learning and growing so you can add value to anyone who comes in your life. The more you educate yourself and the more experiences you have the more valuable you become.
To do this you have to sincerely care about others. Stop just thinking about the money or what you can gain from this person. Instead think about what you can give. Get to know this person like no one ever has. Since you yourself have risen through the fire like a phoenix and became new , you will have the tools to help someone else make life changing transformations.
The number one thing you can do to become more valuable to someone is to be a great listener.
Don’t just listen with the intent to respond, listen with the intent to understand.
They will tell you things about themselves without really saying it. No one in the world is 100% content with their life. Find out what is missing in their lives and give to the best of your ability.
When you can help people obtain or maintain things, they perceive to be valuable, you become valuable to them.
This can be tangible like money, food, sex, transportation, a home or clothing. Or intangible like confidence, prestige, connection, mental and emotional health.
Those are a few major things people value. Money could be giving someone cash or helping them start a business. Food could be giving someone a meal or as the saying goes teaching him how to fish.
My point here is there are so many ways to provide value to someone you just have to realize your strengths and weaknesses. Use your strengths to improve others lives. And work on your weaknesses religiously. If you help others in ways they find valuable then 9/10 they will want to reciprocate and give you what you deem as valuable!
There are some things that can’t be changed. The world works off value. Be of value, bring value to others and they won’t be able to get enough of you.
What do you believe makes you valuable? What is the benefit of someone having you in their life? How do you go about improving your value? Feel free to comment below, I look forward to your personal input!